Thorin's Bummmm
by GublerRussia
Summary: I have trouble sleeping and one night I apparently woke up and wrote this. Imagine my surprise when I read it the next morning. The sad thing is I remember writing it and thinking, "Wow this is really good." Needless to say I wasn't all that awake... This story is not just crack, it is crack on meth. ((Rated for a reason and filled with gay men.))


"Those spry cheeks are mine!" Yelled Thorin.

"No dem my buns!" Kili yelled grabbing the bouncy hobbit buttocks.

"Hey! These my biscuits and I'll butter them how I wants to!" Bilbo says grabbing handfuls of his own ass and running away. The Durin horn dogs chase him tongues and balls flapping in the breeze.

"Damn Ori you be all yellin about puttin iron in Bombur's jacksie. Thats nasty leave my lardy bro alone man." Bofur cries stroking his akward stache of doom.

"I'm tryin to knit, you floppy hat tard leave me alooooones or I'll put a loaf of bread up _your_ jacksie."

"Not the jacksie!"

Bifur runs in circles yelling rump tittles in Khuzdul and Gloin and Oin are makin them some fire.

Dwalin runs by screaming, "Lord jeasus it's a fire!"

"I got bronchitis, ain't nobody got time for that!" Balin shouts as he bathes in a bucket. Kili and Thorin are fighting over who gets to bang Bilbo when Dwalin comes over and calls them pineapple upside down wanks.

"Speaking of wank!" Yells Fili from the rock next to the lake, which he's wanking on. "I love me some frogs. Bro help me wank."

"Mmmm bby dats hawt." Kili screeches as he flys on a candy cloud to his brother's penis which he sucks jauntily. While Kili is busy with his younger, THATS RIGHT BITCH YOUNGER, brother Balin is going around flashing dwarven women. IT SAYS HE'S YOUNGER IN THE BOOK PEOPLE! You make me cry with your negligence.

"Oh my gawd! Thorin is rocking me so hard this is lovely." Says Bilbo from a cave he's being fucked in. Kili is jealous and makes his brother orgasm so hard he falls in the lake.

"I'll save that jaksie!" Ori yells leaping to the waters like a retard mermaid.

"I'm gonna get your ass Bilbo." Kili says skipping and sprinting to the cave. Thorin leaves to take a nap because he's tired ad he wants to give his nephew a chance to romp with Bilbo as well. He's a cool uncle like that.

"Dats some fine hobbit ass. I have to take a majestic piss." He declares heading for the trees were a manticore assists him with his aim. Now Kili and Bilbo are screwing and they are noisy. Bombur runs by his arm pit fat flapping in the breeze.

"I think I'm pregnant." Bofur says to a tree. "Who is my baby daddy?"

"Maybe it's me, except we didn't have sex." Says Gloin who is stuck in a bush because he is covered in sweet delicous honey.

"YESH!" Bofur says tapping his not at all lumpy nose. "I'm Nicholas Fucking Benedict!"

"Sticky fucking Washington!"

"Stop cross over-ing you ass! That book don't make no sense with our shit!" Yells Balin.

"To fucking bad!" Belches Dwalin. "Bro just for that imma go so crossover on your ass right now."

"We are orgasming." Cryes the Kili and Bilbo at the same time as their juices fly. Dwalin ignores them and crosses over the fuck outta this fic.

"Grell Slutcliff and Sirius Black fucking in the Tardis while a pervy Wolverine watches from a space ship driven by Glitch and Ivan Braginski who totally just gave Dean Winchester a blow job who just called that naked dominatrix bitch from Sherlock a see you next tuesday. Plus Morinaga and his Sempai just helped deliver Spike the vampires babies and he doesn't know who the father is because he slept with Pitch Black and Salad Fingers recently. How do you like me now?!"

"You. Are. An. Asshole. And I am done majestically pissing so I'm going to go impregnate Bilbo now."

"To late uncle I already did. We should just share him."

"We should."

"HIPPO IN A HURRICANE LA LA LA- ah fuck it- ROSES ARE RED!"

Everyone lives happily ever after even though this could be a little more sonic.

* * *

**I should write when I'm asleep more often huh? So I'm a good person and am listing what stuff the charcters I mentioned are from so you can get hooked on them and their splendor. **

**By the way the hippo in a hurricane and shit is from a song called Funky Blitz Beam in D Minor from a really funny Gravitation parody that was sadly deleted from youtube :( However someone made a MMD with the song in it so that our ears can still be blessed with it's awesomeness. If you would like to hear it just search Funky Blitz Beam on Youtube. Best song in the wooooorld!**

**Moving on with the characters now.**

_**Nicholas Benedict and Sticky Washington- From the book series Mysterious Benedict Society**_

_**Grell Slutcliff (It's actually Sutcliff)- Women man from the anime Black Butler aka Kuroshitsuji**_

_**Sirius Black- From the book series Harry Potter, also has movies**_

_**Tardis- Space ship of sorts from the british sci-fi Doctor Who**_

_**Wolverine- Marvel superhero**_

_**Glitch- From the sci-fi Tin Man **_

_**Ivan Braginski- Russia from the anime Hetalia**_

_**Dean Winchester- From the show Supernatural**_

_**Morinaga and his Sempai- From the yaoi manga Koisuru Boukun. Best manga ever!**_

_**Spike- Sexy ass vampire from the show Buffy the Vampire Slayer. James Marsters for the win.**_

_**Pitch Black- Villian in the kids movie Rise of the Gurdians**_

**_Salad Fingers- Terrifying and depressing... thing from a mini series on youtube. Don't watch it, I'm warning you. _**


End file.
